"Celebrate the happiness that friends are always giving, make every day a holiday and celebrate just living!" - Amanda Bradley

Sunday, April 12, 2009

I'm just saying

A fat guy whispering to a pizza is neither endearing nor intimately magical.  It happens every damn day thousands of times.  (thank you to pizza hut for proving this over and over and over and over)

Gluing, welding, tying, screwing, or otherwise attaching a piece of trash to another piece of trash does not create art, it is not creative, nor does it contain any message about mans wasteful nature.  All it says is "I don't have any money to make real art cause I spent it all on weed."

On the same note "one mans trash is another mans treasure" is firmly predicated upon the idea that the guy who thinks he got a deal never tells the guy he screwed outa money.  If he did then the saying would go "one man's trash has just been put up on ebay and there is a reserve price."

I would like old navy to note that an advertising campaign that does nothing other than annoy you to the point of violence against pillows and stuffed animals does not create higher consumer traffic in stores.  Unless you are a pillow store or sell stuffed animals.

Wouldn't it be nice if someone wrote an app for the iphone that helped people be polite when using their cell phones?   iphone-" You have an incoming call, it is your buddy who wants to tell you how much they hate the xerox machine at work.  Please do not answer this because you are talking to someone else and your buddy is supposed to be working, plus lame conversations like this simply waste everyones time, and drain my battery."

Pot may or may not be bad for you, but that isn't the real concern of the legalization issue.  If pot was legalized fashionistas would be required to dress in stained t-shirts, wrinkled shorts or holed old sweats and wear flip-flops.  This would bring our fashion industry to its knees!  Not to mention all the extra income college students make selling to their friends!  Legalizing pot would cause higher tuition fees for parents!  The collapse of fashion as we know it!  and possibly, just possibly a sudden powerful lobby group to spring into being-the snack industry!

The radicalism movement of Islam is in direct proportion to the amount of time you spend wearing a nightgown.  If it wasn't for radical islam some of those guys in the middle east would just fall asleep.  Why am I against covering my wifes face?  Cause then I know when she is taking a nap instead of working.

Just know that businesses that hire people to stand on the corner dancing with a sign do not take that expense in the "advertising" account, but instead write it down as a staff morale expense, because yes, every other employee back in the store is laughing at you and working twice as hard to make sure he doesn't piss off the manager.

From the BOOK OF TROY 3:52-55
"and thou shalt not use a different font, color and size for every line on your website about the end of the world.  And thou shalt not assume that because you bought a web designer program that writes all the important technical bits for you that you are now a voice of imminence and power on the internet and have the equivalent of a masters degree.  And thou shalt not come just short of claiming you are a prophet sent of God because you have spent days on the internet and have become capable of quoting information entirely out of context because you alone can read between the lines and determine the coming of apocalypse.  And thou shalt not assume that the justification for all of the above is because of the miracle of finding a 10% off coupon to office depot at the bottom of your pocket means that god our creator has choosen you to speak as divine prophesy on earth.

From the SECOND BOOK OF TROY (yes there are two!  and the second is even longer!)  1:23
LO! and unto me spake my second period sophomore year english teacher.  And she said unto me in commanding tones that were righteous and pure with the indignation that the just hold for the ignorant and intractable.  And she said 'You WILL provide me with 3 or more sources, and they WILL be cited in both body and bibliography, and ONE of those sources will disagree with your conclusion, and you will refute that statement in the body of the text.  If you do not do as I command you will be FAIL!' 

From the APOCRYPHAL BOOK OF TROY (yes any good book has those passages left out that were deemed too radical to be cannon.)
3995:576  See thou my friend, there over upon the corner.  Know it is good to look upon someone dancing with a sign and laugh at them.  Know that if they are short of leg and in a wheelchair with a "cripples do it on their knees" bumper sticker and are horribly annoying to you at work then it is even funnier.  But know also that it this is where the power of the Lord your indefatigable god gains so much prayer.  Every person that drives by that corner offers up a small thank you to your lord saying "oh thank god I graduated high school!"  So I may send prophets to you, but know that no preacher gets me more thanks than a funny looking dude dancing with a sign on the corner.


  1. I love you, Troy. But, I still agree with Jerrie that you and Joel should only be allowed so much time together at a go - otherwise, just imagine the trouble you could cause!

    I dislike that Pizza Hut commercial too. It is simply pitiful.

    I once worked with a guy (Dev Director at software Co.) who commented on a lady dancing with sign on corner for mattress store - "I wish I was her. Look how happy she looks - why can't I have a simple life where I'm just happy." Yikes... Turns out his wife (who'd just had a baby) had just discovered he'd been having an affair with the gal who was our accounting manager...

    Moral of the story... I guess "If thou shalt dare to piss off thine wife in grand fashion, though shalt be lower than sign-wearing street-corner dancing person, and wish thine self lucky to be in such position. Bosses and money and education be damned."

    And, could you get on that iPhone app for us already? That's a brilliant idea. ;o)

  2. Hahahah. Ok that is hilarious. And I'm so glad to hear someone say how annoying those Old Navy commercials are. I can't stand them!!!



  3. first i am like" Jerrie? where is happy Jerrie" Oh then I realize this is Troy talking...lol


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