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Thursday, June 17, 2010

My government is watching out for me!

The other day while I was at the IRS office, watching a horribly bored sercurity officer try to charge his cell phone under a sign that said "all cell phones must be turned off" I happened to glance over at the intergalactically vast bookshelf of brochures, booklets and forms and see this little bit peaking over the top."Well.....finally" I thought to myself. "My government is being proactive and assisting with victims or real problems."

"Every paraplegic robotic personality disorder victim should have someone helping out." smugly said to myself, while crossing my arms and nodding in a knowingly satisfied fashion.

Many of you may not know about paraplegic robotic personality disorder victims. You see periodically a 20-40ish white guy, usually with a post baccalaureate degree in engineering, math, science, computer programming or sci-fi literature, will develop a "robotic personality". This is okay in and amongst itself, often quickly passing within a few days as the work stress clears up. However some times it lasts longer and may result in injury as the affected geek...er.....a patient attempts to actually do something a robot could do that normal human flesh could not. (kiss a hot iron, recharge from a wall outlet, stop a moving car by standing in front of it, take a bullet, drink oil, breathe in a vacuum/underwater, be a 'love machine' etc. you know standard robot stuff.) If the result is not brain damage or death the result is paraplegism.

This paraplegism causes a huge schism in the personality of the 'robot' as it attempts to come to grips with why it was damaged. Often the end result will be the verbal assault of "lesser" life forms as it tries to dominate the local ecology through 'logical discourse'. This usually occurs to ethnic groups as the babble of another language is seen as an 'error in translation unit-probably hardware-running a level 3 diagnostic'. The resulting diagnostic can be very trauma inducing as it often involves the removal of 'cultural camoflauge' and the immediate application of a 'digital test through rear access port'.

Needless to say if you are hispanic and suddenly see a babbling skinny, pale white limbless dude take his clothes off and insert a finger in his ass while looking at you with a longing gaze you would want a tax break too.

Thank you IRS for recognizing the true victims here.


  1. Oh, Troy. I do truly love your imagination... the math-ish engineer fellow I know will laugh at this one.


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