"Celebrate the happiness that friends are always giving, make every day a holiday and celebrate just living!" - Amanda Bradley
Showing posts with label Troy's ramblings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Troy's ramblings. Show all posts

Thursday, June 17, 2010

My government is watching out for me!




The other day while I was at the IRS office, watching a horribly bored sercurity officer try to charge his cell phone under a sign that said "all cell phones must be turned off" I happened to glance over at the intergalactically vast bookshelf of brochures, booklets and forms and see this little bit peaking over the top."Well.....finally" I thought to myself. "My government is being proactive and assisting with victims or real problems."

"Every paraplegic robotic personality disorder victim should have someone helping out." smugly said to myself, while crossing my arms and nodding in a knowingly satisfied fashion.

Many of you may not know about paraplegic robotic personality disorder victims. You see periodically a 20-40ish white guy, usually with a post baccalaureate degree in engineering, math, science, computer programming or sci-fi literature, will develop a "robotic personality". This is okay in and amongst itself, often quickly passing within a few days as the work stress clears up. However some times it lasts longer and may result in injury as the affected geek...er.....a patient attempts to actually do something a robot could do that normal human flesh could not. (kiss a hot iron, recharge from a wall outlet, stop a moving car by standing in front of it, take a bullet, drink oil, breathe in a vacuum/underwater, be a 'love machine' etc. you know standard robot stuff.) If the result is not brain damage or death the result is paraplegism.

This paraplegism causes a huge schism in the personality of the 'robot' as it attempts to come to grips with why it was damaged. Often the end result will be the verbal assault of "lesser" life forms as it tries to dominate the local ecology through 'logical discourse'. This usually occurs to ethnic groups as the babble of another language is seen as an 'error in translation unit-probably hardware-running a level 3 diagnostic'. The resulting diagnostic can be very trauma inducing as it often involves the removal of 'cultural camoflauge' and the immediate application of a 'digital test through rear access port'.

Needless to say if you are hispanic and suddenly see a babbling skinny, pale white limbless dude take his clothes off and insert a finger in his ass while looking at you with a longing gaze you would want a tax break too.

Thank you IRS for recognizing the true victims here.


Sunday, March 01, 2009

I predict.....

I have to ask these two questions of all the conspiracy theorists and doomsday prophets out there,

"Why?"

why do all your predictions have to be of doom and apocalypse? How come nobody ever gets all riled up about a prophecy that says, "hot damn-humanity, you are going to have a great century!"

"Is your life really that bad?"

does your life suck so much that you have to hope for disaster? Is this some form of weird spiritual suicide that so many seek? A way to absolve themselves and others of any form of responsibility. I gotta figure that if whatever providence you believe in really wanted you to be so unhappy they wouldn't say "you may...OR MAY NOT!....fart out loud at your high school commencement speech so everyone can hear." They would simply tell you and force you to go through with it anyway.

I am not going to give my opinion of mayan calendars, edgar cayce, nostradamus and/or bible codes, other than stating that for a prophet to accurately predict the future they have to be right more often than sheer random chance is. Which means simply this-if all those monkeys can accidentally write the greatest novel ever written before you can, then yes-you are stupider than a pack of monkeys. (gosh darn-I think I let my opinion slip better pull down my social skirt.)

Anyways, I would love to see some kickin' butt positive prophecies. And since none seem to be forthcoming I will start.

Sometime tomorrow (Monday March, 2nd 2009 Anno Domini Gregorian Calendar, between 12:01AM and 12:00PM), somewhere in Whatcom County a man will intentionally hold open a door for a lady, receiving a thank you and polite smile. Society will be made better for this action.

Why do I predict this? Because my life is pretty damn good, I have no desire to see the world end in flames and I still feel that I hold determination over my future (just like everybody). I predict this prophecy because I know I can make it happen.

What do you predict? The future is your responsibility.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

The Truth

Folks, I have to warn you about a conspiracy that threatens to take over and change the world as we know it. I am talking about the brussle sprout invasion. I have long known that brussle sprouts are the advance invasion force for a nefarious race of brains. You have seen some of these brains here on earth directing this massive undertaking. They are commonly called cauliflower, although brussle sprouts call them master-which you will too if you are not careful. Ingesting brussle sprouts will lead to all sorts of health problems as you slowly loose your mind.

Now I know what you are saying....if they are aliens how did they get to earth? They came in asparagus space ships. The ingestion of asparagus is nothing short of eating non-terrestrial cargo haulers. This is the reason they make your pee smell funny. However asparagus are the space ships with which the cauliflower masters and their brussle minions will return us to their home planet as slaves. Artichokes are the true colonization ships. These massive vegetable ships are used to carry the seed genetics of this dominating race to the stars. Many planets in our solar system have already been totally subsumed by the horror of these aliens.

The final proof I have is pluto. Once a planet. Then an asteroid, now a plutoid. This is the kind of twisted thinking that can only come from creatures such as cauliflowers.

So I call you all to arms. Do not eat any of the above vegetables, keep your mind clear and free thinking to save the human race and keep us from being the slaves of these diabolical beasts. Only you can help prevent alien possession.

PS-squash and brocolli are just gross, but okay to eat, they are not aliens, just funky ground fruit and small trees. If you must eat an alien put LOTS of butter and fresh ground pepper on them, and preferably LOTS of garlic and onions. These preventatives are poisonous to these horrible creatures and will make sure that you are not affected by their horrible mind control powers.

Good luck and godspeed-together we will save the world one bite at a time.

edited: the views expressed in this post are not necessarily (or at all) the blog holders views. These are the views of her vegetable-phobic/paranoid/delusional husband. I'm just saying. 

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

beware

As a consumer I have the ability to educate other about bad business practice.

In an effort to build an exhibit at the museum I ordered fake plants from Amazonfoliages.com We received half of our order and after 2 months of trying to get an answer I find out that the company has been bought by another company and the new owners refuse to honor past outstanding purchases of the old company. Now I fully understand that legally they are not bound to fill outstanding orders. However from a customer service standpoint I feel they should, it is part of the investment in the new company to keep an existing customer base happy and returning. Nor will they refund the money. I will not be going back.

Since they do not feel they need to keep their customers happy I would like to warn anyone buying from the following companies (all owned by the same over-arching company.)

DO NOT DO BUSINESS WITH:
OTT Enterprises
AmazonKincaid
AmazonFoliages.com
Kincaidstudios.com
Fastsilkflowers.com
Fastartificialtrees.com
Ott1.com

Yours,
Troy

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Being Blunt

Okay. I am just a little frustrated so keep up. Maybe if I say it on the 'ol interweb people might stop and think (just kidding!). Anyways some notes:
1. I have an ego, everyone does, and mine is no larger or smaller. Just 'cause you are wrong does not mean that I am trying to hurt your feelings OR that I will apologize because I am right and you feel bad about being wrong. If you are wrong then change your mind and get on with life. I don't expect you to like me because I'm right. I just expect you to do the right thing.
2. A good idea is just that, a good idea. It does not make you better than someone else or them better than you if you did not come up with it. If you attach personal value to good ideas then you probably don't have many of them. If someone else comes up with a good idea, don't hate them for it. Be glad someone somewhere came up with a good idea as they are in short supply these days.
3. It is always easier to make a claim to someone else's generosity when they have what you want and you want them to give it to you. If you don't get what you want change your desires or shut up about it. Pestering people only makes you more annoying.
4. Everyone wants everbody else to go out of their way to understand them and what they are going through. Next time you are tempted to feel "if only they could see it my way I am sure they would agree with me" you need to sit down and write a 10,000 word essay on why they feel the way they do and how YOU need to see it THEIR way.
5. I don't care if you don't like someone. You have to work with them and if you can't do that it is your problem not theirs. Egotism does not define knowledge or ability and if it does the mistake YOU are making when you just plain don't like someone is your egotism talking-NOT theirs. So tell yourself to go play in traffic, not your enemy. If they are your enemy don't screw around not liking them, just get rid of them. Oh and by the way "I don't like them" doesn't make someone your enemy-it just makes you a jerk.
6. Nobody has to like or respect you, so be thankful when someone says please and you actually get your way. And remember to say it yourself to others. Even if you don't want to. You catch more flies with Bullshit than anything. And it never hurt anyone to be polite. Also remember no one has to continue to like or respect you. Just because you did good once doesn't give you a free pass to stop doing good in the future. An old Buddist parable says "What happens when bulls stop shitting? The flies leave."
7. Now the final statement is this-"are you offended by these ideas?" If they offend you then read them over and over until you stop blaming others for your problems or you can reply (its a free country after all and if there is anything you should have gleaned from this post it is that I will not stop you from doing stupid things) by saying "maybe you need to read these yourself Troy-you are not perfect" In which case I will personally reply with the international sign for "I'm number 1" and invite you to re-read the first sentence of the first note.

Other peoples feelings are not a philosophy. Politeness is not a religion. Taking time to spell words right will actually bring closer to your diety (because it makes you stop and think about what you are going to say), and making people feel good about something stupid that they did is just condoning stupidity. Being generous starts with you, not someone else asking you, and giving in to stupid people only makes them more of an idiot.

Yours,
Troy Luginbill

Saturday, March 10, 2007

In defense of the king.

This is going to be a strange post so bear with me. If you have any questions as to what this is about in further depth please feel free to contact me or reply.

Recently I was asked by Wolfgang Baur to post my thoughts on the whys and wherefores of printing beyond what was initially the scope of a patrons only publication for steam and brass. So here goes.

Patronage versus limited edition what is the difference?

Simply put pride in being able to be a part of a new aberration in the pattern of the world.

The model that Wolfgang is currently using for his open design project is not a limited edition model as so many of those that want a copy are saying and using as justification for printing and selling to those who were not initially involved as patrons of the project. A limited edition would have only a set, certain amount of printings bound by the whim of the publisher. The publisher would consist of a single business entity that has determined to create a product for the public and that an aspect of that product would/will be limiting the number of copies. The product is created by the publisher with limited or no direct input as to the content of the publication. The publication is then printed, and if it sells well probably printed as a second "non-collectors edition." The only input would be the direction the contracted artist would take at the behest of the publisher and possibly any suggestions they gleaned from marketing or focus groups.

The patronage model differs drastically from this even though those that were not or are not patrons may not be able to see the differences.

The patronage model will also have a set limited number of copies created, usually in accordance with the amount of shares that have been bought by the patron. Currently each patron of the project gets the same number of copies regardless of the number of shares they have. That is only one. This may change but it does not change the nature of the model or how it is conducted. Unlike a limited edition the artist is at the behest of their patrons. We are the publishing company and we are telling them directly what we want. Obviously there is some level of input on the artists behalf, that is the reason we have choosen Wolfgang, we like what he will do and want to support his vision. However it is not just his vision, it is ours as well. There is a tremendous amount of input by the patrons into the design, you see he is making this for us. He is not making it for the general public. We have paid and agreed with him that the cost of the project include our input, which specifically means our monsters, our storyline modifications, our artwork changes, our subject matter. We are his editors, and his publishers and we have paid for this.

If you want a copy of an early work then too bad. You should have gotten in on the ground floor. You will just have to wait until someone sells their patronage for that project to you with all the appellate rights of ownership that has. Until then they have the pride of being able to say-this is mine, at least in part. I helped. And I paid for it.

Please see this article:  http:news.bb.c.co.uk/2/hi/technology/7010484.stm.

It has been suggested to me that art cannot be owned.  (Yet we have copyright laws.)  That it has only the power given to it by its viewers.  (Yet its message can be deemed offensive and banned from public consumption (yes-even in the US.). )  That art by its own nature changes with the viewer.  (Yet we honor the artist for the message of the art-if it changes how then can we truly tell that the message of the artist is intact?)

The root of all of these concerns is not content, nor is it really copyright.  These are things that dance around the real problem of intellectual control.  That is the basis for Games Workshop in torpedoing a cool movie-art that will be seen only by its patrons.  Why?  Because games workshop is aware that if the art changes, the message changes, and it is no longer 40k.  I know this concept really sticks in the craw of independent gamers.  But lets face it.  You are not mad that they are changing your art, you are mad that yours is simply not as successful as theirs (not in terms of money but in terms of voice-every artist wants their message to be the loudest and the clearest-it is why they do art.)

So the question is, do the patrons have the right to institute intellectual control of Wolfgangs work?  Yes.  Not because we are artists, or because we are saying we are as good a writer as Wolfgang, nor are we placing ourselves as judges of his work.  But as humans who have heard a message-in this case patronage-not steam and brass, but what it represents in market forces on the internet-we have every right to see that the art remains unchanged and a clear representation of what Wolfgang did.  Already the message has changed.  For the better or worse?  I really don't know, nor do I really care.  It is, however, no longer what was originally accomplished.  It maybe closer to what was intended, but not what was first accomplished.

Wolfgang successfully revived a model that was left by the wayside of commerce over 400 years ago.  While that may not be art, it does fall under culture, and history.  I see a need to protect that because without an accurate accounting of the past, we might as well just pretend that we can fly to the moon, or make a computer out of a cardboard box.  We will get nowhere fast if we constantly work to re-interpret our heritage to fit what we think we should be thinking right now.  There can be no value base in a shifting past, and with no value base, no laws, and with no laws there can be no art, for what does art do best but speak out against the unjust and reflect what we are missing so that we may fill it in.  

So no, I will not let Steam and Brass be released.   I am sorry if I offend you, that was not my intent.  I am sorry if I make you mad, that was not my intent either.  But please, before determining that I am the one that needs to make adjustments to fit your view of how life works I ask you to honestly explore yourself why you feel the way you do.  Give me sound, unselfish concepts and I will listen accordingly.

Troy Luginbill

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Feeling fine.....



Hey everyone, Troy here, I am Jerries husband and I want to take this opportunity to introduce myself. I will not get into the nuts and bolts of me right now. Gotta save something for later, so.......I will just announce that I have recently acquired a new clean pair of transdimensional underwear. Please see the photo. Got new underwear, lifes good and my butt has never been this BIG! I will keep you updated as this happens so watch this space.